撰写了文章 更新于 2016-12-16 09:26:51
奇幻游戏物品翻译举隅:Bittercut
说明
在申请加入游戏古登堡计划的时候,被要求翻译Pillars of Eternity中Bittercut的物品说明。
昨天准备翻译课的主题展示,便举了这个例子。准备的过程中发现贴吧出现了“游侠4.4+贴吧润色+个人修正汉化+有空格&无空格双版本”,提取其中Bittercut的物品说明,两相比对,同时附上原文供参考。
译文注重Transcreation,而不只是translation。
原文
This sabre belonged to the first mate of the Hangman's Bounty, a notorious pirate ship that roamed the Deadfire Archipelago three centuries ago. Legend has it that the crew seized a slave galley and, after killing the masters, decided to sell the slaves at the next port. One of the slaves, an elderly man with a scarred face and beady black eyes, came forward and demanded that he and his fellows be set free.
The pirates laughed and refused him, but the old slave persisted. He warned them of the terrible plagues and punishments awaiting them, yet still they refused. When he raised his voice in anger, the first mate drew her sabre and ran him through. Putrid green bile poured from the wound, running upward along the sword while the sailors watched in horror. The corruption spread from the dying slave's chest to the first mate's sabre and arm, filling her veins with venom and her flesh with squirming maggots.
The rest of the crew drove the ship aground and fled, leaving the slaves to flee and the first mate to rot next to her tainted blade.
贴吧译文
来源:游侠4.4+贴吧润色+个人修正汉化+有空格&无空格双版本
这把军刀属于刽子手悬赏(一艘三百年前在亡焰群岛出没的臭名昭著的海盗船)的副官。传说上面的船员在杀掉主人后夺取了奴隶,并打算在下个港口把奴隶卖掉。其中一个奴隶,他的年纪有点大并有着刀疤脸和黝黑的眼珠,站出来要求他们放了他和他的伙伴。
海盗们大声发笑并拒绝了他,但是老奴隶还是坚持。他警告他们会有严重的瘟疫和惩罚等待着他们,但还是被拒绝了。当他愤怒而提高嗓音时,副官拔出军刀刺穿了他。腐臭的绿色胆汁从伤口流出,沿着刀刃流淌,与此同时其他水手都恐惧地惊呆了。腐败从将死的奴隶的胸膛中散发到副官的军刀和手臂上,毒素渗入她的血管中并且还有蠕动的蛆虫钻进她的血肉中。
剩余的船员把船搁浅并四处逃窜,任由奴隶逃走,并留下副官腐烂在她那把被污染的军刀旁。
我的译文
这把弯刀是“刽子手赏金”号大副的遗物。三百多年前,“刽子手赏金”号游弋于桅光(deadfire,桅杆附近的闪光,不祥之兆)群岛近海,无恶不作,臭名昭著。传说中,这帮海盗擒获了一艘帆桨奴隶船。处死所有奴隶主之后,他们决定在下一个港口把奴隶卖掉。在甫出狼穴又入虎口的静默中,一名面带伤疤、眸子黑亮的老奴越众而出,要求释放全船的奴隶。
海盗们狂笑以对,断然拒绝了他的要求。老奴一再坚持,并警告海盗:倘不放人,灾疫与惩罚必将降临。海盗们还是无动于衷。老奴若有所恃,渐趋高亢的嗓门显示出他似乎已无法遏阻的愤怒怒不可遏。大副似有所察,迅即旋身、抽刀、挥砍。锋芒过处,老奴胸腹开绽,胆汁喷涌,恶臭扑鼻。浓绿的汁液逆刃而上,恐慌的气息油然而生。一时间,海盗们浑身周身战栗,不能自已。腐蚀从濒死老奴的胸口扩散,向大副锃亮的弯刀、雪腻的手臂蔓延。毒液所及,充塞血管,侵蚀肌肉,蛆虫滋生蠕动,甚是摄人心魄。
余下的海盗将船驶上浅滩,四下逃窜,任凭奴隶散去。甲板之上,污刃之旁,大副尸体孑遗,慢慢朽烂。
落木寂无声 1年前
恬漠 [作者] 1年前
我是觉得不妥,但也没想到合适的译法……
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